Pet Loss

by Sara Stone

 

     With great love comes great grief.  For those of us who choose to share our lives with pets, there will come a time when we will have to say goodbye.  The time from birth to old age for our pets, is usually shorter than our own.  While there is no avoiding it, death can be met with compassion and understanding.   

Pets bring unconditional love, security, routine, and support into our lives.  Our bonds with them have been scientifically proven to reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and lessen our doctor visits.  We call this bond, the Human-Animal bond.  When the pet dies, these bonds and routines are broken.  This can bring immense grief and confusion to a pet owner and their family.

Did you know that 48% of pet owners consider themselves emotionally dependent on their pets, and 88% consider themselves "Mom or Dad", or that 53% have taken time off of work to take care of a sick pet?  Concerning the death of a pet and the pet owner's grief, 60% want grief support and prefer it to be from the veterinary hospital they belong to.  Society as a whole, does not offer pet owners the room to grieve.  We have heard the expression "well it was just a dog or cat."  While death is something we all must face, the way in which we cope is personal.  No two people grieve the same.  Pet owners know that their animal companions are more than just an animal, they are an intricate part of the family.  We rely heavily on the unconditional love they bring us. 

So how can we cope with the death of a pet? 

1.  Let yourself cry.  Be sad when you feel you need to be sad.  You love your pet and your pet loss is traumatic.  Let your feelings out.  Embrace the memories, both happy and sad. 

2.  Dedicate something in your pet's name and memory.  Many animal hospitals give a donation to veterinary colleges in the name of the deceased pet.  Some offer clay paw prints with your pet's name on it.  Plant a tree in memory.  Have a funeral.

3.  Stay close to family and friends.  Invite them over and explain your grief.  Their presence and company might help you cope with your grief.  Talking is a great way of expressing your feelings and coming to terms with the loss.

4.  Talk to other pet owners.  Although grief is individual and personal, there are others who have at least experienced similar feelings like you.

5.  Call your veterinarian and speak with them.  In most cases, your veterinarian has had a special relationship with your pet.  Your veterinarian may be able to guide you through your grief. 

6.  Talk to a spiritual counselor.  Spiritual beliefs can illumintae the darkness and despair of death and loss. If you still feel that you can't cope with the loss, there are organizations that can help.  Most humane societies offer grief counseling.  Your veterinarian can help you with getting in touch with them.  If you want to grieve in the privacy of your own home, there are books you can read, and websites that offer information on pet loss and the grief it brings. 

Let us not forget, that with great love comes great grief, and while the time from birth to old age is usually shorter than our own, death can be met with compassion and understanding.

 

Pet Loss and The Stages of Grief

By Sara Stone

 

The time from birth to old age for our pets is shorter than our own. Death is a natural part of the life cycle for all living creatures.

Pets bring unconditional love, security, routine and support into our lives. When the pet dies these bonds and routines are broken. This can bring immense grief  and confusion to a pet owner and their family.

 

Stages of grief were first introduced to us by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D,  in her novel; On Death and Dying.  Although originally meant for human loss these stages can provide an understanding and insight to the feelings we may experience from the loss of a pet. Remember feelings of grief are normal after a pet dies. While no two people grieve in the same way so too may the stages of grief vary. Some might experience one more than another, some not at all. These are normal responses.

 

The stages of grief are as follows:

 

Denial - Bereavement and grief for many pet owners start even before the pet has died. The news of a debilitating disease or sudden death can cause us to deny it’s painful reality.

 

Bargaining - When the devastating reality of your pets prognosis is realized one may start to bargain for the pets life. Saying things like I’ll go to church every Sunday if you let my pet live are very common. Bargaining makes one feel in control of the situation

 

Anger- In despair and grief people who have lost their pets might react in anger to family, veterinarian, or themselves. Try to get it out in a productive way like talking, drawing, crying.

 

Guilt- Guilt is the most common feeling among pet owners. They feel responsible for the pet’s well being and care. In most cases it is ultimately the pet owner who makes the decision of  euthanasia. This can lead to tremendous guilt.

 

Depression- It is normal to withdraw especially in time of pain and grief.  Feelings of despair and overwhelming sadness tend to occur during this time. One tends to  have a hard time  performing daily activities such working, sleeping, or eating.  Depression  can be a time  of deep contemplation.

 

Acceptance- Acceptance is a time when one comes to the realization that their pet has died.  With this last stage one is able  to move on and return to daily activities.

 

Pet loss is a devastating part of life that we must experience by allowing pets to be part of our lives. As we grieve rember that their may be stages that you may go through. All are normal reactions to grief.